Surf and turf onboard Celebrity Solstice (From Hampshire Society)

Surf and turf onboard Celebrity Solstice

2:33pm Friday 1st May 2009

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It’s by no means a deal-breaker.

Surely no would-be sunseeker, poring longingly over his Celebrity Cruises brochure while fretting that a nine-day Caribbean cruise might be the teensiest bit indulgent when there’s a credit crunch on, will suddenly exclaim: “They’ve got live glassblowing demonstrations by a team of fully qualified glass-blowers from the Corning Museum of Glass, New York! Oh, sod it, Mary, pass me the cheque book!”

Even the most ardent glass enthusiast might baulk at the thought of splashing out on a jaunt on Celebrity’s latest luxury ship, Celebrity Solstice, for the chance of seeing a see-through gravy boat being knocked together.

And yet, perched on a front row bench on the topmost of Solstice’s 15 gleaming new decks, I find myself leaning forward with something close to fascination as a man in overalls and a moustache plucks a gloopy bit of stuff from a white-hot furnace with his giant pincers and prepares to show exactly how the handle is attached.

He earns a round of applause and several whoops for his efforts – deservedly so, for if there’s one thing you wouldn’t want to be doing on a gently listing ship in the blazing heat, it’s whipping up an intricate piece of glassware while standing in front of an open oven.

The biggest cruise ship ever built in Germany, Solstice is the first of five in Celebrity’s Solstice class of ships, and operates out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

I’m here on a short preview cruise specially laid on for journalists and travel industry professionals. There are no ports-of-call for us – just a leisurely chug along the Florida coastline. But our two days on board is enough for us to sample the varied, and occasionally bizarre, delights this classy lady has to offer – glass-blowing demonstrations included.

Ocean-going types probably take this sort of thing in their stride. But for someone whose main experience of adventure on the high waves was obtained at the age of ten on a boating lake in Cromer, the reality of modern cruising and it’s ‘more is more’ approach to on-board entertainment can come as something of a shock.

The swimming pool I’d expected – although I don't remember there being synchronised fountains and a mariachi band in Carry On Cruising (my main reference point, along with Death on the Nile).

And, of course, exercise classes are de rigeur – although, as Celebrity Solstice tends to your physical needs with a state-of-the-art fitness centre and AquaSpa offering revitalizing face and body treatments, you’re unlikely to hear the cry of “Bend, two, three!”

ringing out from the poop.

I also wasn’t surprised to find a theatre on board, but its sheer size (we’re talking Mayflower!) and the ambition of its productions (men dressed as cats performing dazzling aerial feats over your very heads!) was jaw-dropping in all the right ways.

But a giant lawn, made of real grass?! If it wasn’t for the absence of talking flowers and rocking horse insects, I’d swear I was through

the looking glass. Yet there it is, lovingly laid out between Solstice’s two funnels, in all its dazzlingly green glory – 22,927sq ft of turf, complete with bowling club and putting course, that looks like it’s been transplanted direct from Broadlands. Don’t question why it’s there – the amazing thing is that it is there! – or wonder if it will look quite so fresh once several thousand feet have tramped across it. Every new cruise ship has to have its ‘wow’ factor, something to make it stand out in a market where excellence of service is a given, and this is Solstice’s.

But back to the ‘basics’. Cruise passengers have come to expect top-notch catering.

Celebrity Solstice doesn’t stint in this department. In fact, if you’re not reaching for the Rennies by the end of the evening, you’re either Dr Gillian McKeith or on the wrong boat.

Or, more likely, you’ve nodded off while relaxing in the deckchair on your private balcony and musing on the poetic aptness of describing distant foamy waves as ‘white horses’. They look just like them, you know.

Solstice boasts, through its very full mouth, ten separate dining venues, from the get-your-gladrags-on sophisticated (the ritzy, two-storey Grand Epernay; the more intimate gentleman’s club-style Murano) to the jeans and T-shirt informal (a range of bistros and cafes, including the Oceanview, where you can breakfast inside or out while lapping up some restorative early morning rays).

For those wanting to wring every drop of Bacchanalian pleasure from their trip there’s the Martini Bar and Crush, offering over 100 types of vodka and 26 exotic variations on the world’s most iconic cocktail, the Quasar nightclub, where you wouldn’t be surprised to find Austin Powers lounging groovily in one of the pendulous egg-shaped seats, and the Sky Observation Lounge, where you can “dance under the stars while you gaze towards the moonlit horizon”. Or have another cocktail. It’s up to you.

Shops are another cruise ship given, and the cruise cognoscenti assure me that Solstice’s shopping facilities are some of the best they’ve seen – and if you haven’t got the readies to splash out on diamonds, crystal paperweights and the like, you could always try your luck at the 16 tables and 200 gaming machines in Fortunes Casino.

Noticeably less busy than the casino is the Library. (Yes, they even feed your intellect on this ship.) This plushly carpeted retreat, set over two floors, is the perfect place to escape to when the poolside entertainment gets too much. You can make yourself at home in one of the comfy club-style armchairs, or take a book back to your stateroom to read at your leisure – if you can tear yourself away from the sea view, that is.

There are even dedicated facilities for your boredom-prone youngsters – the Fun Factory, which caters for five different age groups, and for older children, X Club, a teen area with coffee bar, games and dance floor.

Boredom, though, is not on the agenda in this floating wonderland. From glass to grass and everything in between, Celebrity Solstice has got it covered. (Apart from the live demonstration by the Maryland Marzipan Modellers, of course – now where was that?)

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